His Eyes
by LozFairy86
Summary: New Moon AU - what could have happened if Bella had seen through Edward's lie from the start?
1. Prologue

I know this is short - sorry! I'm trying something out here. As much as New Moon was kinda necessary to the whole saga plot, Bella and Edward both pissed me off hugely during the book. Here's what I think **should** have happened, if Bella had a backbone and Edward learnt his lesson much earlier.

I've no real plan for this, nor do I know if I have any writing ability whatsoever so please bear with me!

All characters are the property of SM, I'm just playing with them.

The parts in italics are taken directly from pages 69-70 of my copy of New Moon. No copyright infringement intended, I just wanted to be clear as to where my story starts!

"_What happened with Jasper – that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"_

"_You're right," he agreed. "It was exactly what was to be expected."_

"_You promised! In Phoenix you promised that you would stay – "_

"_As long as that was best for you," he interrupted to correct me._

"_No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious, the words exploding out of me – somehow it still sounded like a plea. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you – it's yours already!"_

_He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder – like the liquid gold had frozen solid._

"_Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying._

_ There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent._

"_You… don't… want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order._

"_No."_

_I stared, uncomprehending, into his eyes. He stared back without apology. His eyes were like topaz – hard and clear and very deep. I felt like I could see into them for miles and miles, yet nowhere in their bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the word he'd spoken._

Something didn't make sense. I closed my eyes, needing to escape from the intensity of his glare. Even in this, the most heartbreaking of moments I'd had the displeasure of living through, I couldn't avoid the mist and brainlessness that overtook me whenever he looked at me. I took a deep breath, and a large step back.

"Bella?"

His voice was strained. Anxious. I was scared to come out of the darkness, the safe place I'd taken myself to, afraid of what I might find. I opened one eye tentatively, hoping to find myself anywhere than this forest, and was startled to find his face about 5 inches from mine, closely examining me. Probably for brain damage.

"Oh!" I squeaked.

He went to move away, but I grabbed for his face with both hands, bringing him back down to my eye-level and stared at him. He came willingly, but scrunched his eyes shut, blocking the one way I'd ever been able to read him.

"Edward, look at me".

My voice was soft, but commanding and he opened his eyes reluctantly, the dark shadows of the trees making him look hungry and exhausted. I saw the split second before he hardened his eyes again, and it was all I needed. I leaned into him and placed a careful kiss on his lips.

"You're not going anywhere." I informed him.

"Bella –" he tried to interrupt me again, but I had to put my final playing card on the table before I lost my nerve.

"No Edward. You're not leaving. Grow up. You can't run away every time there's a problem, supernatural or otherwise."

I took a deep breath.

"You're staying, and I'm breaking up with you".

Never say you can't shock a vampire. You can. His eyes bulged, his mouth opened and closed several times, but he seemed unable to form a response. I released his head.

"If you are not at school tomorrow morning…"

I left the threat open, knowing that anything I could come up with would sound more amusing that intimidating. I patted him on the head, stroking his hair slightly and walked away, feeling his eyes on me long after I'd reached home.


	2. Chapter 1

Sorry, I know this is short but they will be getting longer.

**Chapter 1**

The next morning I climbed out of bed after a sleepless night. I'd left my window shut, not sure if Edward would attempt to make an appearance. He hadn't, at least as far as I was aware. My calm reaction the night before had clearly been some sort of fluke, as I'd spent the entire night shaking with the extent of my fury.

How _dare_ he.

I'd known he had tendencies towards the dramatic, the overprotective and the over-reaction, but it was news to me to learn that he would disregard my own wishes and opinions. He was scared, for me – sure, but also because he had no idea what he was doing. His whole life had been an exercise in control and repetition, and I come in and thrown everything into disorder. He'd been alone, or if not alone then playing the role of child in a family for so long that the concept of a partnership was unfamiliar. I understood this. I welcomed it. I loved that I was able to offer these things to him. What I did not appreciate was his stubborn refusal to acknowledge and address the correct problem.

Jasper wasn't the problem. None of the Cullens were. Fact of the matter was, I knew now. I was in no more danger than I had ever been – Victoria would come back, I was sure of this. If I was a danger magnet, then that was all _me, _and no consequence of my relationship with the family.

Edward was so intelligent in some ways, but it was becoming increasingly clear that the naïve 17 year old was definitely in the driving seat. I really, really wanted to hit him, and the fact that I'd probably break myself in the process only served to irritate me further.

Just in time to avoid the smashing of something valuable, my phone buzzed on my desk.

"Alice. What?", I snapped.

"I'll ignore your tone, Bella, because I know it's not aimed at me".

I sighed. She was right. As usual.

"Sorry. Your brother has pissed me off for the last time".

"I gathered. Congratulations, you have confused him into a state of complete inertia".

"What?"

"He had a plan, you know. A really, really bad plan which I'm glad you saw straight through, but he was quite determined to leave you and let you have a normal life".

"As if that were possible at this stage…".

"Bella, I know. We all tried to persuade him, but he swore blind it was the best thing to do. We were all going to leave! Regardless, the point is that you saw straight through him and called his lie and now he has absolutely no clue where to go from here. Your breaking up with him threw him off completely. He had sort of expected that you might catch him and beg him to stay with you or something –"

"Conceited little sh-"

"Not like that. He just hoped you knew him well enough to know that he _does_ love you, whatever bullshit comes out of his mouth".

I sighed, loudly.

"Well, he was right about that, if nothing else. I know he loves me. I love him too, but if you're gonna ask why I ended it – ".

Alice cut me off,

"No, I understand. I also know it works out, eventually. I'm telling you this, because I think you want the reassurance that you did the right thing, but I'm not telling him. He needs to learn, no guidance, no powers. No vampire crap."

"Isn't that what this all boils down to though? Vampire crap?"

"No. It's Edward. It's his self-loathing and his completely irrational belief that he is responsible for every single thing that ever happens to you".

"Vampire crap", I affirmed. Alice was right, though. Edward needed to come to terms with himself before he could ever be in an adult relationship. I just hoped that he'd stick around to learn.


	3. Chapter 2

_Sorry for the delay. I have no idea how long it's been but I have no defence. I'm not a dedicated writer unlike some of the fantastic people on here, nor am I as talented!_

**Chapter 2**

I'd been scared when I drove into the parking lot that he wouldn't be here. I'd been scared that he would be. I knew that I needed to show him that I was strong, but I also knew that I was an 18 year old girl who had just dumped her boyfriend. All other random and vampire related shit aside, it was awkward and I didn't know how either of us would react when confronted with each other.

I needn't have worried, obviously.

Edward had always been unfailingly mature.

Until now.

He didn't show. I entered my first class warily, my eyes heading straight to our usual seat. He wasn't there. Edward was not actually capable of being late, so I knew he wasn't coming. I was relieved. Part of me just didn't want to deal with it. I knew that if I saw him, I'd at least partly forget to be mad. I wanted to be mad. I'd earnt being mad. He could give me so few normal human experiences (his concern, not mine), but he at least managed to execute this one with his usual perfection.

Angela quirked an eyebrow at me as I slid into the seat in front of her.

"Where's Edward today? Is he sick?"

I swung round in my seat to face her, not sure how to arrange my features, whether I should look miserable or proud.

"I broke up with him, he's probably avoiding me".

Stunned silence followed. The whole room, inevitably, heard that one statement. Mike glanced up at me with a small smirk on his face that I quickly shot down. He had the grace to look apologetic. I could see Jess almost bouncing on the edge of her seat to get the gossip and turned slightly towards her, giving her permission to ask.

"_You_ broke up with _him_? _Why?"._

She'd tried, bless her, to hide the emphasis in her question. She couldn't understand what would possess me to end it, but the idea of him dumping me was far more palatable.

"Irreconcilable differences, for now" I offered her, so she would know I wasn't fully done with him. "We've both got some issues to work through before we can think about being together".

There, that was vague yet personal enough to make her feel like she had the inside knowledge. Undoubtedly it would get repeated and all kinds of nonsense about what our issues were would spread like wildfire, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

Several hours later I pulled my truck up outside the Cullen house, hoping against hope that Alice would come out and find me. She did, of course, and embraced me quickly.

"Come in.. do you want to see him?'.

Well that's the question isn't it? I did, I could feel every inch of my skin humming just knowing that he was in the same building, My legs were itching to climb the stairs to his room. At the same time I wanted him to come to me. I wanted to be petty and let him make it up to me.

I had to learn how to be the bigger person. Today wasn't going to be the day. I shook my head, she already knew I'd decided to let him come to me. She lead me into the kitchen and slid a bottle across the counter toward me. I examined it.

"Beer?"

"Beer." She affirmed "One, because I think it'll be funny. Two, because I think you need to just not think for a while".

"It was my idea" muttered Rose, who I hadn't seen enter the room.

She walked up to me and looked me up and down, then straight in the eye. She was as intimidating as ever, and I wasn't sure if she was about to beat me down for hurting her brother. Then she grinned.

"Way to show him who's boss, sis" she winked "Bottoms up".

Apparently I had gained her respect. Unwilling to test this new feeling, I lifted the bottle to my lips, suddenly agreeing with Alice that a little escape was exactly what I needed. In lieu of a vacation, beer would do.

"Bella"

"Hmmmm?"

"Bella, you need to get up".

"You smell nice"

"Thank you. Now please get up, I need to get you home".

"Donwanna. Sleep here. You stay".

Silence.

"I'm not sure you'd be saying that if you were sober".

"Smell nice"

"Yes, you mentioned. Come on Bella, at least let me get you to my room so you can sleep on a bed"

"Mmmmm bed".

"Yes, bed. Come on".

I was vaguely aware of being lifted from the sofa, and moments later being placed on a bed that I'm quite sure didn't exist a week ago. My head was spinning, but I was happy and buzzed and it felt awesome.

It did not feel awesome the next morning. I woke up in a patch of sunlight, making me far too hot. I rolled over to get away from it and found Edward, sitting in a chair by the bed. He must have been aware that I was awake, but you wouldn't have known from looking at him. He was avoiding meeting my eyes.

"Are you pissed?" I mumbled at him

He didn't reply straight away, and eventually dragged his gaze over to me.

"Of course I'm not pissed, I'm not your father, feel free to get drunk as often as you like".

I snorted "That doesn't sound like you".

"No, that's what Alice told me to say". He grimaced and looked away again. He sighed before looking back at me.

"She made her point though. I honestly don't care if you want to drink, and I honestly don't want to tell you what to do. However I'm loath to miss an opportunity to help you avoid suffering, which you are clearly doing now."

I was only half listening. I'd absentmindedly picked up his hand and laid back on the bed, placing his palm across my forehead. The cold was wonderful against my pounding head. He handed me a glass of water and some painkillers and I took both gratefully.

"I hope you don't hate me". he murmured, keeping his hand against my head.

I smiled softly, and closed my eyes.

"I don't know how to hate you Edward. You've pissed me off more than I can articulate and I want to throw things at you but I still want to be here. Do you have any idea how screwed up that is?"

"I know. I deserve it".

"Yes, you do. I deserve to be treated as an equal, not as your child. I know that everything you do, you do because you love me, and I so value how much you care, but I can't have you making unilateral decisions about our future. It's _our_ future, not yours and mine. I know you're stronger and faster and have superior defence expertise and I'm happy to defer to that in those matters where it is relevant".

I took a moment to take a large swig of water. I was on a roll here and I'd be damned if my first hangover was going to stop me making my point.

"But…?"

"But, and it is a big but, you are no more experienced at relationships than I am, and on that basis you cannot be making decisions for me. We do it together, or not at all. The vampire crap is all you, the other stuff is both of us. I know it's a bit blurred, but that line is new for both of us".

"You're talking like there is still an us." It was barely a whisper.

I opened a single eye and studied him. He looked sad and broken and I hated to have made him look that way.

"You started it with the break-ups".

He forced a laugh, but remained silent.

"There is still an us Edward, I didn't leave you forever. I love you, I promise you that hasn't changed, but I need to be stronger and you need to let me do that, you need to let me be there for you too and not take everything on yourself".

With that, I ran for the bathroom and vowed never to touch beer again. Way to make an intelligent and mature argument.


End file.
